and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
