every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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