watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
