the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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