I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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