Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
