You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
