Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
