RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
