It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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