You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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