I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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