At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
