I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
