Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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