the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
