i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
