So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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