The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
