That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
