It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
