I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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