Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
