Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
