saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
