He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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