How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
cat food counts as protein by the way
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
