is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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