Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
