Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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