Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We need to rekindle our bromance
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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