Got a toothbrush?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
