he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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