Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
