my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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