She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
