i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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