I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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