That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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