ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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