maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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