I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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