Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
