I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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