I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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