i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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