I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
