i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
