i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This baby is an asshole
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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