Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
