so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
