Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
