You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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