well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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