I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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