You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
