I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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