I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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