am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
