I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
