Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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