It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
